I haven’t been on here for a couple of weeks as I have had a very busy xmas and having the kids off school buzzing around me all of the time has not freed up much time for the internet.
I wanted to give an update of where I am at 10 and a half months, well xmas has been fantastic!! I have eaten exactly what I wanted (so much sugar and chocolate it is disgraceful) and I have also drank lots of wine and had the odd cheeky champagne!!
I have had many late nights going to bed after midnight as we have done lots of socialising etc.
After 10 hideous months I finally feel like I am getting my life back and I finally believe that I will be normal and healthy again.
Here is a list of my symptoms and where I am with these right now:
Headaches – I only get these now if I get overtired or look at my laptop for too long
Head Pressure – This still comes occasionally but nothing at all like it was for the first 8 months!! This is the symptom that used to scare me the most, it made me so dizzy and off balance, I felt like my brain was swelling in my head!
Earache, Tinnintus – My ears feel loads better, when I get a flare up of symptoms the bad ears return straight away along with the loud ringing, I’m not sure if I have got used to the tinnitus or I have stopped panicking about it, but when I lie in bed at night I can tune into the high pitched noise but it is not screaching like it used to, I am hoping this will go away completely eventually.
Tingling – I still get this but not half as bad as it was – I get it at the bottom of my spine and in my feet in bed sometimes, but much weaker than before and the tingling has gone out of my face completely.
Fatigue – Sometimes if I have had a big day out shopping or a stressful day at work I feel like I could fall asleep standing up!! I sometimes have to have a power nap around teatime for 30 mins to get me through the evening (although sometimes this is impossible with 2 young children).
Twitching – This is loads better but sometimes when I am lying in bed a mad muscle twitch will start in a mad place, like my arm or leg, I cannot stop this happening, even if I stretch the muscle and I just wait for it to subside.
Insomnia – Sadly since this nightmare started in February I have never slept through the night since! I go to bed every night between 11 – 12pm and always wake between 4 – 6am it drives me crackers as once I am awake my mind starts racing and I rarely get back to sleep. I took a herbel sleeping tablet a few nights ago out of desperation but no change!
Anxiety – This is my main worry now – I can go days feeling fine then BAM! out of nowhere at all different times of day my stomach suddenly lurches like I am going over the hill of a rollercoaster and I just feel like something bad is going to happen, this feeling usually stays with me for the rest of the day and I feel really on edge and feel like I have had amphetamines or slimming tablets!! My whole body speeds up and I find it best to busy myself as if I sit still I concentrate on the wired feeling. After one of these episodes I get the yawning attacks and feel so exhausted as my adrenal gland going at top speed has totally worn me out.
Periods – During the height of this my periods stopped for 5 months, they have returned now and although they were a bit rocky to start with – heavy and painful they seem to of gone more back to normal. Although I do get very stroppy a few days before.
I had no symptoms for 2 weeks straight which felt amazing and I was soooo happy then totally out of the blue last Monday BAM! it all came back, I was so anxious and wired and my arms and legs just ached! Plus headache and ringing ears. Then wouldn’t you know I got my period that night and the next day my symptoms eased up – so this is definately hormone related.
For anybody on here that is starting this awful journey I want you to know that there is hope for you. For me I have tried my hardest to remain positive and keeping focused on my busy career and my family are what has helped me through the darkest days. I have never felt so ill in my life and it was like having the worst hangover plus full blown flu every day for the first 6 months! Throughout this I have never ever taken any medication from the doctor and at the beginning only took milk thistle for my liver and drank camomile tea before bed. I am not sure if I made the recovery harder for myself as some days I was climbing the walls with the anxiety and my nerves were in tatters, but something in my head was telling me to fight this on my own. I still have the diazapan and amtitriptaline in my bedroom drawer but am kind of glad I went down the natural route.
I am a big believer that people come into your life when you need them and I met the most wonderful acupuncturist, many times I have turned up at her clinic in floods of tears and she has handed me the box of tissues and talked me through my fears, put the needles in me and put relaxation cd’s on in the room. Without that lady I don’t think I could of got through the worst of this, she has been my saviour. I now go once a fortnight and keep the eartacks in for the 2 weeks in between to keep me calm. She has treated me the same as she would treat a patient with carbon monoxide posioning or a recovering drug addict that needs to get clean and concentrates on removing the toxins from my body, sometimes she does cupping also. She always reassures me that I will recover completely.
On New Years Eve at 12 o’clock we were at a friends party all in a circle celebrating the new year and as the clock chimed twelve I hugged my husband, my 2 children and my friends and shed a few tears. I was so happy to draw a line under 2012 and look ahead to 2013 which will be happier, healthier without the fear that I have felt last year.
Although I know that I still have a little way to go, I am living my life again, I look healthy and I have stopped thinking about botox 24/7.
I have also stopped thinking ‘why me?’ and have accepted that it has happened and I have learnt alot from it.
People that want to change everything on the outside are often very unhappy on the inside, be glad with the body that god gave you and treat it with respect.
I live so much more healthier than I used to and I have slowed down my manic life, so maybe a little bit of good has come out of this after all.
I wish each and every one of you happiness and healing during 2013 and want to thank you all for the advice and kindness you have all shown me. Love to you all and I hope and pray that your healing is quicker than you expected. This has been a massive test of my inner strength but I truly feel that if I can get through this I can get through absolutely anything life wants to throw at me in the future.
Sam x x x