All posts by HopefulD

About HopefulD

Wife of nearly 20 years, mother of 2 daughters with very busy career.

5 Year Update

I have not been back to visit in a long time but wanted to check in to say nearly 5 years since my nightmare started – I am confidant to say I am now 95% recovered. I truly believe that this toxin took years to leave my body. The only residual effects are 1) bouts of tinnitus from time to time – that seem to resolve themselves. 2) Anxiety – though only on rare occasion does this happen anymore –  1x or 2x a year where I need to take an ativan. What if any long term consequences there are from putting this toxin into my body remains to be seen. After checking back in I am heartened to see that there seems to be more ‘study’ of these effects – though saddened to see so many still having these awful experiences and needing to seek support from a site like this because no one in the health profession believes you.

I know I am very lucky and my heart goes out to those who have not had as significant a recovery. When you are viewing this section of the website – please take heart that not as many people may post of their recovery. When the nightmare is over you simply want to move on with your life and don’t necessarily want to look back.  I can say anytime the topic of botox or fillers etc.. arise in conversation in my circle of peers/friends I warn them openly and honestly about my journey and seriously caution them about the serious and harmful “unknowns” of this toxin. I also direct them to this website so they can read for themselves the nightmares that people experience and no health professionals to take you seriously or help your recovery.

Stay strong, keep the faith and believe that with time alongside whatever methods you find brings relief – recovery is possible and time is your body’s best weapon to detox and mend. Yes, time heals!! Cliche but true in my experience.

God bless Annette for her commitment to this site and to fellow sufferers for sharing their journey. You are not alone!!

Hopeful D

Slowly but surely – recovery taking time but is real

Hello,  I have been on this site several times over the last 2 years and at the deepest hell pit of my symptoms can honestly say many of you saved my sanity!!! I am only registering and posting now to share my experience out of honest hope that I might be able to offer some of you a glimmer of optimism that recovery is real and can happen – though slowly with patience and courage.

My journey started in 2012 a as chronic migraine sufferer desperate for a treatment that would make a difference.  I received 4 rounds of injections over a near 10 month period. I got side effects (SEs) beginning approx 1 week after my initial treatment – only to be told what I was experiencing could in no way connected to Botox (sound familiar??). It took me a few rounds before I was able to start directly linking my SEs to the injections – hmmm – injections and symptoms – wow there is no coincidence. And it was discovering this website that gave me the proof I was looking for that I was not CRAZY like the MDs all told me I was! I am eternally grateful to this site and it’s members – because the night I discovered I was not alone I cannot begin to tell you what emotional relief it brought me.

Anxiety, and tachacardia have been the absolute biggest SEs I have had to manage in my recovery. Outside of a plethora of other SEs I experienced during active Botox treatments – feel free to review my profile –  the absolute worst was when I had 2 terrifying panic attacks  within about 1 month of each other – where I thought that’s it – sianara – off I go to the big blue yonder – convulsions and the works. I’m not posting today to relay all the horrors so many of you know too well in your own terrible journeys with this poison. Just reading the posts here sometimes sent me into panic over what might come next.  If you are in the deepest throws of your Botox nightmare right now – please believe me when I say it will get better – manage the best you can by whatever means brings you relief or support – and as hard as it sounds accept that time and deeply caring for yourself is the key – you are not alone – you are not crazy and it will get better! At least this has been my experience and I am confidant with time many of you will have the same.

I am now 17 months since my last injection. After reading many posts I was hopeful that I might find full recovery within about 6 to 12 months – and focussed on that.  While that hasn’t been my personal experience I can say that I now have literally weeks and sometimes months that will go by where I feel like I am almost back to my pre-Botox self – and then bam – a relapse will hit me out of the blue – for no apparent reason that I can link to.  That being said, the relapses are getting farther apart and when they happen they are more mild and manageable. While it winds my spirits and faith when it comes back – I remind myself that it will improve and pass (usually a couple of weeks) and I just need to stay focussed on believing that it has before and it will again. I now accept that my full recovery may still be a few years away. But when it does recur I know what it is, I know what to do and have the courage to continue to hang on.

My go to therapies have been healthy diet, massage, acupuncture, ativan for rescue when it gets bad and also tried calcium channel blockers to relieve my heart palpitations and anxiety. I only use ativan for rescue now when I have a relapse – it helps me fast when I feel a bad bout of anxiety coming on. Otherwise I try to ride out it out as best I can and take real comfort in the arms of my loving husband who has held my hand and heart throughout this nightmare.

If I were to say there is any silver lining in this nightmare it is this! I take much better care of myself now. I got healthier and more active and lost 50lbs and I am far more discerning of putting anything into my body.  This experience literally scared the crap out of me and I don’t take the precious days I have with my husband and family for granted. Not that I would ever have asked for or wished this upon anyone – but it forced me to get real with myself about many things including my health both physically and psychologically and see clearly that certain priorities in my life had to change. This was my wake up call and I had to answer it if there was to be any goodness that came from the nightmare.

I have reported my experience to my MDs and to Allergen and the local Health Authorities – but sadly don’t think it makes much difference. Though 1 MD professed he will be far more open to what other patients who may be using Botox experience. He termed me a “super responder” a patient with a high level of sensitivity to the drug. No shit!!!!

Thank you to all who have been brave enough to share your experiences and tips and offered heartfelt support to all of us affected.  You are helping more than you realize and in many meaningful ways – even to those who are invisible and looking for answers and some hope.

Take care and don’t lose hope,

HopefulD from Canada